In almost exactly a month (21 September), I will be running my next marathon in Berlin. The Berlin Marathon is one of the world majors (sort of a marketing ploy) of large international marathons that draw a lot of runners. The others are Boston, New York, Chicago, Tokyo, London, and now Sydney. Of these, Berlin is perhaps the biggest with over 50,000 runners - which is a lot! Some of the other majors are much smaller and therefore much harder to get into (like Boston). The course is known for being flat and fast (unlike Boston and New York which are hilly and hard) and is one of those courses where world records get made. 

I'm super excited about this because it's my first major and it's fast and it's Berlin, a city I have a history with. Part of my marathon training includes practicing my German as I will be spending almost 2 weeks in Germany and giving a few talks and attending a conference after the race. I will be arriving in Berlin on the 17th, so I have a few days to acclimate before the marathon (time zones are killer), but while I'm there, I do want to do some sightseeing. 

The challenge is that I have to not do too much walking in the days before the race. It's a funny thing, but when you're going to blast your way through 26.2 miles on concrete on Sunday morning, you really do need fresh legs beforehand or things will not be fun. Not walking too much beforehand is really one of the challenges of doing a destination marathon like this. However, I will still be working so the good news is that I will have to spend a fair amount of time sitting and doing work on my laptop. This includes teaching a class from 22.00-1.30 on Thursday the 18th.

As for sightseeing, I have decided on the following: I willl take a boat tour through Berlin so I can enjoy seeing things on the water and NOT walking. The symphony is in session and it looks like there are tickets for a Friday evening performance. I would also really like to go on a tour of the Reichstag - that will entail walking but it's not too far from where I'm staying. And then I think I will try to find a cinema showing German films so I can practice my German! I'm getting excited for this.

Being able to travel and speak other languages is so fun. I think the world (and the US) would be a different place if more people had this opportunity. 

I woke up to my alarm this morning and to crushing anxiety. This is a probably sign of anticipatory stress toward the start of the semester as I have not had this all summer because it was summer. The anxiety was not directly related to work. Instead it was a deep feely of dread and inadequacy around the fact that I am sleep-walking my way through this administration. It's a growing fear I have that living in the US is to be considered complicit with the current administration and all its inhumane policies. It's a little like how people don't spend time thinking about the Germans who lived in Nazi Germany and were not Nazis. There was indeed a resistance in Germany, but the average German was not part of that. There is resistance in the US, but I'm not really part of that. In essence, I lay in bed with a crippling feeling of dread due to my failure and fear to act. 

The good news is that I know this anxiety is partly a menopause symptom so I waited it out. I also consciously thought that I have the power to act and I am not totally helpless. Even if it doesn't matter in the grand scheme of things, it can matter for my conscience and self-respect.